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I knew I was special, but even amongst squirrels, I’m still special! The law enforcers were so impressed by the way I defeated their chief that they gave me a job as a teaching assistant. They claimed it was a punishment, but why would they punish someone by paving the way for such a profitable career? It’s clearly the wink-wink kind of punishment—the kind I give Sophia when I want to spoil her despite Softie’s protests.
Anyway, the school isn’t anything like Ilya’s. First of all, we teach squirrels here, not humans. Second of all, it’s not in a building; it’s inside of a tree. Well, the whole tree is the school, but the class I’m responsible for is on top of the tree on one of the branches. Apparently, there’s more classes on different branches, and the administrative staff operate inside of the trunk. It’s a really, really big tree. If trees could grow this large in the Immortal Continent, I would’ve replaced every building with them. Who wouldn’t want to live in a tree? More things live in trees than in houses! …I think. Probably. Mhm.
Although I’ve never had a job as a teacher before, I still have experience with jobs—though, I never got paid for the things I did. Hmm. Well, I’m still perfectly qualified for this position! If I wasn’t, why would they put me here? The law enforcers must’ve saw something inside of me. Ah? What happened to teaching isn’t the profession for me because my students will be heartbroken when I inevitably leave them to go home? Well, it turns out there are multiple kinds of teachers. There are the specialized ones that focus on specific students, and there’s non-specialized ones that teach large classes general information. If I become the first one, then that’s a problem, but if I become the second one, it’s okay! General-information teachers swap out their students every so often, so no hearts are broken. Supposedly. I’m sure some students will be super disappointed when I’m not their teacher anymore, but that’s just life. It’s like how I can’t entertain every stranger that falls in love with me at first sight! It’s not my fault.
“Teacher, can we get a new teaching assistant?”
Huh? Who said that?
“What’s wrong, Smithsson Seven?”
“She gave me the wrong paper,” one of the larger squirrels said. “We have our nametags in front of us, but she gave me Slayersson One’s essay.”
“She gave me the wrong paper too,” another squirrel said. “I think she was handing back our work at random.”
I was not! I’m not the fastest reader, so I took some shortcuts. I made sure the first letters of the names on the papers I was supposed to hand back matched the first letters of the nametags!
The teacher, whose name I still don’t know, looked at me with a questioning expression.
What was I supposed to say? If I knock out everyone here, I’ll probably lose my job, right? But if I beat up the people trying to take my job away too, and then beat up the people coming after me for doing that…. Eventually, I’ll run into a squirrel that isn’t afraid of poison, and I’ll be screwed! It’s been a while since I couldn’t solve something with violence, huh? Mm, that doesn’t mean I don’t have experience with weaseling my way out using excuses. I had to make a lot of excuses when I was a slave. “Uh, the writing is a bit different from the one I’m familiar with. Sorry.”
“It’s alright,” the teacher said. “You’re new here; it’s quite understandable it’ll take you some time to adapt. For now, you can take a seat beside the students and familiarize yourself with our texts.”
Mm? Is he telling me to learn how to read? “Are you sure you don’t need me to help you with something else? I’m good at beating people and hitting things really hard. Oh, I can also cook really well!” Is there anything else I can do that’ll help these students? “If anyone tries to lie to you, I can verify whether or not they’re telling the truth by Soul Scouring them too.”
“No, that’s quite alright,” the teacher said. “I’m not sure how your lower realm operated, but we don’t teach advanced combat techniques here until one becomes an immortal capable of changing to a humanoid form. As for cooking for the students, taking time to eat will detract from the time they have to study. They may even be led astray and focus their efforts in the wrong direction.” The teacher narrowed his eyes, and his gaze swept over the students. “As for Soul Scouring the liars, none of these children here will dare lie to me. They know the consequences.”
That sounds a bit … ominous. “Well, alright then.” I guess I’ll just take a seat over … here! Right next to Slayer Junior because he’s the only squirrel I know. Let’s see…. If these kids aren’t learning how to fight, how to cook, or how to use special techniques, then what exactly are they learning? I’ll just take this textbook over here and pop it open. Oh, there’s a question here. Hmm.
If a newly ascended human immortal empowered by the Five Elemental Formation uses the Rapid-Fire Burning Arrow technique, how many arrows can he shoot before completely running out of spiritual energy, and how long will it take? Using your answer, calculate how many of these newly ascended immortals are required to destroy a standard-sized demon fortress gate made of Fire-Lizard Metal in exactly three days if they are standing in the air thirty leagues away. Show all your work, and circle your final answer.
…What the hell is this? This is the type of thing I’d ask Ilya to solve for me! Are all these squirrels as smart as Ilya!? There’s no way, right? Maybe it’s really easy to solve, but I just don’t know the trick to solving it? I might be in way over my head….