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The tomb opened. Once again, I was the first one inside. And the interior is exactly the same as the Slaughter God’s Tomb’s. Am I really in the right place? “Why’s this place so similar to that other one?”
Treasure Finder cleared her throat from atop Mrs. Feather’s back. “The Slaughter God, Despair God, and Death God were sworn brothers, presumably, because they were similar to one another. It’s no surprise that their sense of design is the same. I mean, couldn’t you tell just by looking at the exterior of the tomb?”
“They might’ve been sworn brothers, but you shouldn’t assume they’re similar to each other,” Ilya said. Was she mad? She seemed upset. I wonder why; isn’t she just a statue? “The Slaughter God’s tastes are much nobler and more refined than the other two’s. And, while they might have been sworn brothers, they did have a falling out because the Death God couldn’t abide by an agreement.”
Treasure Finder rolled her eyes. “Says the statue created by the Slaughter God.” Then she looked at me. “I’m sure you’re aware, but this statue you keep around might not have your best interests in mind. You seized the Slaughter God’s inheritance in a manner that wasn’t intended. If you’re not careful, this statue might kill you or force you into dangerous situations because of that.”
Hmm…. Durandal was saying that too. And I’m only here at this tomb because Vera, who’s also a statue, made a deal with me…. But Ilya would never want to kill me! But this Ilya’s a fake. …And even the real Ilya didn’t want to stay with me. Hah…. Why do I feel so sad? Is it because of the tomb? It definitely is! The Despair God’s Tomb, what a fitting name. “I don’t like this place.” I should destroy it. But I don’t have that thing Treasure Finder calls unyielding conviction. And I can’t steal it from someone either. It must be a really rare treasure.
“Hmph! We’ll forgive your transgressions this one time!”
“Our transgressions? You attacked first!”
Oh? A lot of people are streaming in. Like, a lot a lot, say, two whole sects of people. Is their war over? Who won? Mm, it doesn’t matter either way. “What’s the first trial, Treasure Finder?”
“Catching the despair fish.”
…Really? “Is the second trial destroying three statues too?”
“Similar.”
“…That’s lame.” Actually…, I might get another Ilya! Wouldn’t that be nice? If having one Ilya already makes me this smart, imagine what having two would do. “Mm, I guess it’s a good thing those dead people copied each other.” And I already know how to deal with the despair fish when they all gather up to eat me! Anes…, painkillers!
Treasure Finder cleared her throat. “Do you want to know the details about the first trial?”
“Nope!” I already know! It’s going to be easy. All I need is my net that I use to catch Durandal.
“Welcome to my tomb, graverobbers. Perhaps one of you will inherit my will. The rest of you can despair.”
Ooh, it’s the exact same metallic voice as last time. They’re really unoriginal, huh?
“The first trial, catching the despair fish, requires you to catch and eat ten despair fish to proceed. Despair fish are attracted to despair. Kill, torture, maim each other to bring out a banquet of despair for the fish to feast upon! Let the first trial…, begin!”
Mm, the only difference is this voice is much more talkative than the other one. It’s nicer too with all its explanations. And now, I wait for the despair fish to descend from the…, ack!? “Treasure Finder, what’s happening!?” The, the ground! There’s, there’s, there’s water! “Water’s coming out of the ground!” Fly! I can’t fly!? Why can’t I fly!? “What the fuck is this shit!? Help!”
“I mean, they’re called despair fish. Isn’t it obvious that fish live in water?” Treasure Finder’s friend asked.
“No! It’s not obvious at all! They’re supposed to fly!” Boat! Where’s my boat!? The water’s up to my ankles! At this rate, I’ll drown soon! “Treasure Finder, you bastard, why didn’t you warn me earlier!?”
“You said you didn’t want to know the details….”
“Fuck your details! If there was water, you should’ve told me!” I can’t take my boat out of my interspacial ring! “Why can’t I take my boat out of my ring!?”
“Boss…, by any chance, are you afraid of water?” Mrs. Feathers asked. Even the Long family members were staring at me with strange expressions, but I didn’t have time to teach them all a lesson because the water was already up to my knees!
“Mrs. Feathers!” If I can’t use a boat, I’ll use her! “Expand a bit to let me on your back!” That’s right! Mrs. Feathers is a giant when she grows to her full size. Carrying me should be super easy for her. Phew. There’s plenty of space for me even with these two tied-up people and the barkeep.
“I’ll heat up my back to dry your clothes,” Mrs. Feathers said. Then she became warmer! She’s the best.
“Mrs. Feathers.”
“Yes, Boss?”
“I’m glad I didn’t eat you.”
“…Thanks, Boss.”
But, there’s still so much water! It’s up to the Long family members’ chests, and they’re not even showing signs of panic! Do they know how to swim? Mm, they’re very brave. “Mrs. Feathers, grow a little bigger.” The water’s getting too close for comfort. It, it touched my tail!? I can’t even relax my tail!? I was caught off guard because I thought it was safe on Mrs. Feathers! “Grow bigger!”
“Boss, the despair fish are swarming towards us!”
“Who cares about some stupid fish, you dumb barkeep!? Grow bigger, damnit, Mrs. Feathers!”
“…Boss, I’m already at my full size. The water’s only up to my ankles.”
Eh? Then what touched my tail? It still feels like my tail’s in the water…. “Is that a fish?” It is a fish! “I thought you said these fish couldn’t fly, Treasure Finder’s friend!”
Treasure Finder’s friend didn’t say anything, so Treasure Finder answered instead. “It must’ve bit you while you were still in the water.”
“Over there! All the despair fish are gathering towards that phoenix!”
“Old Man Despair, just this once, let’s put our differences aside for the greater good. The two of us should be enough to take care of that quasi-immortal beast.”
“Who are you calling an old man, you slaughter-filled brat? Respect your elders more, especially when you’re asking for their help.”
Mm? Those two sects are plotting against me? I should’ve destroyed them both outside!