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The boat crashed. I only watched the other boats in the sky for a few seconds with the barkeep, but in that time, our boat fell to the ground! Who knew that boats fell that fast? Mm, it makes sense though. Boats are pretty big. They should definitely fall faster! Too bad I didn’t realize that earlier. What’s the point of absorbing a bone of intelligence if I can’t utilize my genius? Well, it helped me learn how to read, so that’s good enough. Maybe the effect wore off after that. That must be it.
“Help!”
Hmm? Did someone just shout for help? That can’t be. Everyone’s crying; they don’t have time to cry for help. It must’ve come from outside. Whew, things are really bad out there, huh? The boats squished tons of people, and a lot of people are killing each other too. What are they fighting over? I know there’s two sects that are supposed to be at war, but why are the other people fighting? Are they robbing each other? I want to join in! Mm, but only a bad person robs someone else. I have to wait for someone to rob me first!
Bang!
The door flew off its hinges! Those Long family people lied to me! They said no one could break this door down except for a sky-realm expert! Ah? Or maybe this person is a sky-realm expert. But sky-realm experts don’t grow on trees! They’re supposed to be rare. Those Long family people definitely lied.
“Oh?” the strange woman asked. She was strange because she was looking at me as if I were a hot guy! And I’m not a guy! “You’re sober? But that doesn’t matter. Hand over your interspacial ring!”
…Are the heavens helping me be a good person? “You, you’re robbing me, right?”
“Robbery is such a distasteful word,” the strange woman said. “Think of it as giving me protection fees.”
“Mm?” Protection fees? “What are those?”
“They’re fees you pay someone to save your life.” The woman stepped closer, and qi radiated out of her.
My tail didn’t react though. She’s definitely not a sky-realm expert! “Save my life from what?” Is there a hidden danger?
“From me! Hand over your ring!”
…Is this lady dumb? “You want me to pay you to protect me from you? How is that not robbery?”
The strange lady stopped. “When you put it that way, it really does sound like robbery….” She frowned, and the qi around her died down. “Okay, let me rephrase that. These are protection fees, but I’m protecting you from my friend who wants to kill you, not from myself. Is that better?”
“Uh…, let me think, hold on.” If someone wants to kill me, and their friend comes up to me and tells me to give them all my money to save them from their friend, is that robbery? …No! It’s not! I was completely wrong! This lady isn’t dumb; she’s a genius! I don’t have to wait for people to rob me first! I can send Durandal or Mrs. Feathers after them, then take their money to save them! That way, I’ll be a hero and I’ll get all of someone’s stuff! Even Ilya’s never thought of something as genius as this. This lady…, I’m keeping her. “Mrs. Feathers! Tie her up!”
Mrs. Feathers flew out from the corner of my room and landed by my side. “Got a rope, Boss?”
“Mm, yeah, here.” I gave Mrs. Feathers one of my special ropes, and she grabbed it with her talon.
“Is that a talking chicken?” the strange lady asked.
Mrs. Feathers let out a squawk and grew in size. “Damnit! Chicken this, chicken that! Does this noble phoenix really look like a chicken to you!? If that’s the case, I’ll peck your eyes out! You’re not using them anyway.”
…Mrs. Feathers really doesn’t like being called a chicken, huh? I don’t get why. Chickens are one of the tastiest animals! They’re the best at something, and it’s not bad to be compared to the best. Mm. Unless she doesn’t want to be eaten. Anyways, pecking someone’s eyes out is really mean, isn’t it? Eh? Cutting off penises is mean too? Well, you can’t sell eyeballs! “Maybe you should just tie her up.”
“Like I’m going to let a growing chicken peck my eyes out!” The strange lady pulled out an object that was just as strange as her. It wasn’t a sword, hammer, spear, or any kind of traditional weapon! It was a tube with a handle with glowing lines crisscrossing all over it. “Take this!”
“Boss, look out!”
Eh? The barkeep’s still here? Right, why wouldn’t he be here? He’s so weak that I forgot about him. Mm. Then where’s Ilya and Vera…? Hmmm. Hmmmmm. Hmmmmmmm. Wait a minute. Look out?
Boom!
Ack! What the hell was that!? Something exploded! It smells like … pickles?
“Hmph!” The strange lady lowered her glowing weapon which had smoke coming out of its end. “How’d you like that, dumb … chicken?”
Mrs. Feathers was burnt! Her feathers were actually burnt! Did I find someone who can cook a phoenix!? Never mind. Mrs. Feathers shook herself off, and her feathers became rainbow-colored again. “It takes a lot more than that to defeat a quasi-immortal phoenix!”
“W-wait a minute,” the strange lady said and stared at me. “Are you a quasi-immortal too?”
Mm…, I hear that phrase a lot. “I don’t know!” But no one’s ever explained it to me! And if they did, then I don’t remember, which means they didn’t.
“Airheaded individual…, rainbow phoenix….” The strange lady’s face turned pale, and she swallowed while stepping back. “Are, are you Heart Devil Lucia by any chance?”
Oh! That’s a name I haven’t heard in a long time. “Yep! That’s me!” Speaking of heart devils, I wonder how Softie’s doing. Durandal said she was alright, but I already know I can’t trust Durandal too much. Once I absorb the Despair God’s Tomb and the Death God’s Tomb and find out Durandal’s secrets through the fake Vera, I’ll go back and visit her to make sure she’s okay. Mm, sounds like a plan! “Ah? Why’s the strange lady running? Catch her, Mrs. Feathers!”