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“Your Gloriousness, I’ve come with a report.” A well-dressed dwarf with a monocle walked into a small room with a throne. Beside the throne, on one side, there was a shelf filled with food. On the other, there was a shelf filled with bottles of water. The throne was a reclining one, and the dwarf lying down on it had his eyes closed. “Your Gloriousness?”
A long, drawn-out sigh escaped from the dwarf king’s, E’s, lips. His eyes remained closed as he asked, “Is it important? On a scale of ‘I can leave this for another decade or two’ to ‘this requires me to sit up’ where does it lie?”
The reporting dwarf furrowed his brow and hummed. “Somewhere in between ‘there’s a mosquito in the room and I’m trying to sleep’ and ‘I have to pee, but the bed is really warm.’”
Another sigh escaped from E’s lips. His eyes opened, and he rubbed them with the backs of his hands. “What is it? I’m listening.”
“The Gemstone Merchants Clan have refused to pay tribute.”
“The Gemstone Merchants Clan…”
“The clan whose tributes make up 37% of our income.”
“Ah. Right. Those guys. And?”
“And?” the dwarf reporter asked, his brow wrinkling. “Isn’t that a big enough problem by itself?”
“So you’re saying there’s no other issue?” E asked. His eyes closed again as he exhaled out a long breath. He reached over with his right hand and fumbled around before grabbing onto a bottle of water.
“Your Gloriousness, this is 37% of our annual income we’re talking about.” The dwarf fidgeted as E swallowed his water in slow gulps. “It really isn’t a small amount.”
“But is it worth the hassle?” E tossed the empty water bottle to the side and rested his hand on his stomach. “The amount of manpower and time and effort to collect tribute if they really want to fight us…, it’s a lot. I don’t want to do it.”
“Your Gloriousness…,” the dwarf said, his eye twitching. “What happened to you? You used to be ambitious, hardworking! Everyone admired your work ethic. You clawed your way from the bottom to the top. You can’t rest on your laurels! Now…, now you’re just, just—”
“Zappy.”
The dwarf froze mid-sentence. “Sorry, Your Gloriousness. I got a bit carried away.”
“Do you know why I worked so hard when I was younger?” E asked. He continued before Zappy could respond. “It was to become king. Do you know why I wanted to become king? The only reason why I wanted to was to do nothing for the rest of my life. As king, I can do that and live comfortably. No one can tell me what to do; I can order people around. I haven’t even moved from this spot for over a week, and no one will criticize me. You say I shouldn’t rest on my laurels? Well, maybe, they shouldn’t have been so damn comfortable.”
“Your Gloriousness…”
“Go tell Mooney to deal with the problem. I’m busy resting.” E rolled over and picked up a pillow that was lying beside the throne before placing it under his head.
“I went to Mooney first,” Zappy said, his face stiffening. “He’s been hospitalized.”
“Hospitalized? Throw some white mages at him. How can anyone be hospitalized?”
“He was on the verge of death,” Zappy said. “His aides said he flew with the assistance of a foot.”
“Flew with the assistance of a foot…,” E mumbled. “Was Mooney punted?” The dwarf king burst out into laughter. “He really lived up to his name and became a moon!”
“Your Gloriousness, this isn’t a laughing matter,” Zappy said and pursed his lips. “The elementals have their own grapevine, so to speak. If word spreads about the Gemstone Merchant Clan not paying tribute, the Wandering Zephyr Sprites, Flaming Fire Flickers, and Tranquil Traders clans won’t pay tribute either. We’ll lose over 80% of our income if all the elementals refuse to pay tribute.”
“Well, what changed?” E asked. “Why aren’t the Gemstone Merchants paying tribute? This is the first time this has every happened, correct?”
“Apparently there is a new clan master,” Zappy said. “A human who contracted with Diamant.”
“Diamant?”
“Your Gloriousness, please…,” Zappy said and sighed. “Diamant’s the mountain elemental who was the previous leader of the clan. You’ve talked to him many times before, remember?”
“…All earth elementals are the same when you see enough of them,” E said. He rolled over onto his other side and yawned.
“Diamant’s the strongest earth elemental! At least remember the representatives of each clan, Your Gloriousness.” A wrinkled appeared on Zappy’s forehead. He resisted the urge to throttle his king and chose to sigh instead. “Please, won’t you do something about the Gemstone Merchants?”
“I really can’t just leave them?” E asked and sighed. His eyes opened as he sat up, his head slumping down towards his chest.
“No!”
“Well, what do you want me to do?” E asked. “If Mooney couldn’t do anything, what makes you think I can?”
“You’re the king,” Zappy said. “You have the responsibility to clean up after your subordinates when they fail. Speak with the new clan master and obtain our tributes.”
E scratched his beard and sighed again. “Just who exactly is king here?” he muttered. “So bossy. What was the point of establishing a universal assembly if I have to do work?” E’s eyes lit up. “That’s right. Make Plumby do it. He has a really large military, doesn’t he?”
“Plumby’s in the process of rebuilding his capital after it was destroyed by a black dragon.” Zappy squinted his eyes at the king who was struggling to climb off of his throne. “I’m sure he sent a report about it.”
“Did he?” E asked. “I must’ve forgotten.” He shook his head and slipped on a pair of slippers while standing up, his bones creaking. He sighed again as he stared at the ground. “I should’ve just been an investor. I didn’t think being a king would be this much work.”
“Please. This is the first time you’ve stood up in a week,” Zappy said. “People who actually work hard will resent you if you say things like that.”