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“Get off my continent, woman,” Nova said, nodding at Kondra.
Kondra snorted. “Fine. I’m leaving.” She pointed her snout towards the sky and closed her eyes. “Humph. I didn’t want to come here anyway.” Her eyelids trembled before shooting open. “And I have kids too! Why am I still a stalker in your mind!?”
“After the initial surprise, it seems like they get along pretty well, don’t they?” Grimmy asked as he bent his legs and lay on his belly. One of his wings extended and draped over Leila.
“Your definition of well is wrong,” Lindyss said. She climbed off of Grimmy’s head and sighed. “I need a vacation. Dealing with dragons takes up so much of my mental energy.” She clicked her tongue as Kondra tackled Nova. “This is why I asked you to drop me off at my home before coming here, but no, you didn’t want to. If I die during this random scuffle between two of the strongest beings in the world, I’m going to come back as a vengeful spirit and haunt you.”
“Master!” E said as he fell off of Grimmy’s head and bounced to Lindyss’ side. “If you’re leaving, take me with you, please.”
“Who the hell’s your master?” Lindyss asked and punted the dwarf over with her heel. “I never agreed.” Her head turned towards Vur. “Tafel, come here for a second.”
Vur tilted his head, letting Tafel off, but the fairies stayed firmly pressed against his scales, unwilling to move. Susan also hopped off of Tafel’s shoulder and sat next to Rella and Bella. Tafel ran over to Lindyss, dodging a stray laser beam. The ground was trembling, and snarls filled the air. “What’s up?” Tafel asked Lindyss, frowning as E used her as a shield to approach the cursed elf.
“Let’s go back to Konigreich,” Lindyss said. “Teleport us. Besides, you wanted to talk with Exzenter to set up a portal, didn’t you?”
“You want to go right now?” Tafel asked.
Lindyss raised an eyebrow. “You want to stay?” she asked in return and glanced at the two tussling dragon leaders.
“Good point,” Tafel said with a nod. Her horns glowed silver as a circle engulfed her, Lindyss, and E. A second later, the trio disappeared.
“One day, I’m going to learn a teleportation spell,” Grimmy said, rubbing his chin. “It’s just too handy.”
“I loved you so much, you stupid oaf!” Kondra shouted. “How dare you make fun of me now!? Do you know what I had to go through? Why couldn’t you have just accepted me!?”
Leila blinked twice, but she kept her mouth shut.
“That’s because you’re crazy, woman!” Nova shouted back, spitting a poisonous purple cloud into Kondra’s face. She snarled and shook her head rapidly, dispersing his breath. “I have a firm policy to avoid crazy women!”
“But you mated with that slovenly ice lizard! Where was your policy then!?” Kondra roared before snapping her jaws at Nova’s neck.
“Goddamn, you’ve lost all your marbles since I last saw you,” Nova said as he struggled out of her grasp, narrowly saving his neck. He glared at Grimmy while fending Kondra off with his tail. “You caused this; do something!”
Grimmy pointed at himself and looked around before tilting his head.
“Don’t act stup—igyah!? Keep your teeth away from the jewels, you crazy first-aid kit! You said you were vegan!” Nova swatted at Kondra, scratching her like a cat scratching a ball of yarn.
“It’s not like you need them anymore,” Kondra said with narrowed eyes. She pulled on Nova’s tail and lunged at her target once again. “You said you already had kids! And just because I refuse to eat anything except for moonlight, that doesn’t mean I’m a vegan.”
“Grimmoldesser!” Nova roared. “If you don’t do something, I swear…!”
Grimmy scratched his head. He raised one paw halfway into the air and said in a flat voice, “Woo. Go team Nova.”
“What the hell are you doing!?” Nova screamed. Sweat poured down his back as he managed to avoid Kondra’s jaws. He lunged forward and hugged her head, pressing her mouth shut. She thrashed underneath him, lacerating his sides with her claws.
“Were you asking me or her?” Grimmy asked.
“You!”
“Oh, I’m helping.” Grimmy nodded. “Woo. Team Nova. You can do it.”
“How does that help?” Vur asked as Nova grunted and wrestled with Kondra.
“It’s moral support,” Grimmy said. “I’m increasing your grandpa’s morale. As a commander, you should know how important a part morale plays in a battle.”
Vur nodded. “You’re right,” he said before facing Nova and Kondra. “Go, Grandpa, you can do it!” He frowned and furrowed his brow. “I believe in you too, distantly-related-but-not-by-blood grandma!”
“Why are you cheering for both sides!?” Nova shouted his eye twitching.
“Well, it wouldn’t be fair to improve the morale of only one side, right?” Vur asked, tilting his head.
“Your grandson’s a much more honorable person than you are,” Kondra said with a sneer. “I don’t know how someone like you could have a descendent like him!”
Vur let out a few more cheers, but a rolling bottle caught his eye, silencing him. He blinked at it before blowing it towards himself with a gust of wind. The blue rock inside yelped as the bottle ended up in Vur’s paw. “What’s this?” Vur asked before rapidly shaking the bottle up and down and side to side.
“Stop! Stop!” Mistle shouted. She sobbed as Vur relented. “Why are all dragons like this…?”
“That’s Mistle,” Diamant said from Vur’s paw. A brown rock formed next to the bottle. “Fancy meeting you here.”
“…Diamant?”
Mistle screamed as a green rock appeared by Diamant’s side and flipped the bottle out of Vur’s paw and onto the ground. It broke apart, cutting short Mistle’s scream. “Stay away from my man!” Zilphy said, shaking her fist at the dazed elemental lying amongst the shattered glass.
“Contract her, Vur,” Stella said as she flew out of Vur’s chest and grabbed Mistle. “She’s just what I need to produce rain inside of you.”
“Okay,” Vur said. He nodded and pressed a claw against Mistle’s body.
“These contract terms?” Mistle asked. “I refuse! I’m not giving up all my other contractors, and I can’t accompany you twenty-four seven!”
Vur frowned and blew a stream of fire at Mistle. She screamed and waved her limbs but couldn’t get up due to Vur’s claw. “How about now?” Vur asked.
“You’re a wicked person!”
Vur blew another steady stream of fire onto Mistle, relenting when she stopped responding. “Now?”
Mistle sobbed. “All dragons are evil.” Her body disappeared into Vur’s claw, turning into blue runes that crawled up his scales.
“Good job, Vur,” Stella said before flying back into his body. A purple light appeared next to the traveling blue runes. “Follow me. I’ll show you your spot.” The runes traveled up Vur’s leg, past his shoulders, and into the space in between his wings. “A little higher, but don’t go above the neck. Right there. Perfect. Wait, ew! Don’t make your runes into an octopus! Turn into something more aesthetically pleasing, like, like a baby leviathan. That’s better.”
“Oh? You learned something new, huh? Other than learning how to turn into a dragon, I mean,” Nova said as he lay on his back, panting for breath. Kondra was lying beside him, struggling to breathe as well. “You’re an elementalist now too?”
Vur nodded. “Are you two done wrestling?” He dashed into a nearby cave and returned a moment later with two pillows, which he placed under Nova and Kondra’s heads.
“What’s this for?” Kondra asked, her breaths steadying.
“For the pillow talk,” Vur said with a nod. “You can’t have a pillow talk without pillows.”
Nova and Kondra froze, staring at Vur with blank expressions. “…What are you even learning?”
Ok, that was so funny I cried a little bit! I’m not even really sure why. I mean, I know it was funny, but… you know? Lol