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Vremya munched on a bag of potato chips while sitting on a couch, his legs stretched out, his feet resting on the coffee table in front of him. The holographic display was hovering in front of him, and he was watching a livestream of Smith Jr. and Tutor Golem 2000. “Money sure makes things easy,” Vremya said and sighed, marveling at how quickly Smith Jr. was growing. The user had been practicing knife techniques for a while, but one night after implementing Tutor Golem 2000, the user had mastered the knife techniques without a hitch.
A beeping sound drew Vremya’s attention, and he frowned. He switched out of the livestream app and located the red dot—a notification signal. It was on his messenger app. Who was messaging him at a time like this? The only person who had his contact information was Karta, and the stinky dog was next to him, still looking for suitable users for her system. Vremya pressed on the messenger app, and he saw a familiar face on the profile picture of the unknown number: Kosmos. She was the god of space, born at the same time as him. Together, they had slaughtered the creatures of darkness, carving out a section of light for themselves. Having experienced thousands of life-and-death experiences with her, Vremya could confidently say she was the one who knew him the best. Vremya raised his finger and pressed on a button.
[Are you sure you want to block this number?]
[Contact blocked.]
Even though she knew him the best, there was a problem. She was batshit insane. There was no way in hell Vremya was going to speak to her again, not if he valued his current peaceful life. Vremya exhaled, and Karta raised her head. “What’s wrong, old man?” the Labrador retriever asked. “Are you missing Sush Kal and Vodor already? It’s only been five minutes since they’ve left.”
“It’s nothing,” Vremya said, swiping his display, entering the livestream again. There was another beeping sound, and Vremya’s brow furrowed. Was it because he showed his face at the snack gods’ meeting? He didn’t have many friends though, so who was it this time? He swiped back to the messaging app, and his eye twitched upon seeing the profile picture. It was Kosmos again, calling from a different number.
[Are you sure you want to block this number?]
[Contact blocked.]
Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!
Constant ringing sounds came from Vremya’s display, and Karta turned her head to peek at Vremya’s screen. The old man’s hands were flashing, pressing and blocking, but no matter how fast he moved, the number of notifications kept increasing. Vremya’s eye twitched. “How did she even get my number?”
Karta coughed. “Uh….” The Labrador retriever gave Vremya what she thought was her cutest smile. “She contacted me and asked for your number.”
“And you gave it to her without asking me?”
“Well, no…,” Karta said, scratching her head. “I rejected her at first, but then she told me she’d buy the information for a hundred heaven-grade spirit stones, so what could I do? You know the state of my wallet; I had no choice!”
“You stinky dog,” Vremya said, veins bulging on his head amidst the constant beeping sounds. “I would’ve paid you two hundred heaven-grade spirit stones to keep your mouth shut!”
Karta’s jaw dropped open. “You should’ve told me that before I sold your information! Go back in time and stop me!”
“If I could go back, I would!” Vremya said. He snorted and directly shut off his personal computer, ending the relentless pinging sounds coming from the messenger app. He still had no idea why he couldn’t travel into the past. Even a Poiskle search didn’t bring up any results. As the only god who could time travel, he was the only one who could experience those kinds of problems.
There was another beeping sound, causing Vremya to twitch. He looked down, but his personal computer was off. Then he noticed a red dot on Karta’s screen. The Labrador retriever pressed on the messenger app, read the message, and gave Vremya a strange look.
“What?” the old man asked.
“How much are you willing to pay for me to keep my mouth shut about your address?” Karta swallowed her spit. “She’s offering two thousand heaven-grade spirit stones.”
Vremya stared at Karta. “Are you an idiot? She can kill titans just as easily as I can, and all she’s offering you is two thousand stones?”
“You’re right!” Karta said, smacking her display. She typed in a few lines by pawing at the hologram. “I demanded ten million heaven-grade spirit stones. Do you think she’ll—”
Ding!
Karta’s eyes bulged. “Holy crap! She didn’t even think about it before transferring the money over! She’s rich!” She gave Vremya a strange look. “How come you’re avoiding Kosmos? With her wealth, you won’t have to do anything!”
Vremya slapped Karta’s head, but his hand bounced off an invisible barrier. “I can make millions just as easily as her by slaying titans. I just want to watch my users grow in peace, and if Kosmos finds me, my life is going to be far from peaceful.”
Karta glanced at her display. “She already paid me the money…. By law, I’m obligated to tell her your location.”
Vremya sighed and waved his hand. An invisible sheen washed over the floating landmass he was on, and a barrier formed around it. “Alright, you can tell her my location now.” He snorted upon seeing Karta’s questioning expression. “It’s just a barrier infused with some of my essence. She can’t get through because penetrating the barrier is equivalent to hurting me, and that’s been banned.”
Karta nodded. “You Poiskled the book of loopholes, huh?”
“Of course,” Vremya said and snorted.
Karta patted the display, and a message was sent to Kosmos. Not even a second later, a massive portal opened in the sky, and a beautiful woman appeared. She stepped out of the portal, and her face collided with the barrier Vremya had set up, smooshing her nose flat. “Fuck!” the woman shouted, taking a few steps back, nearly reentering the portal she had exited from. “Vremya! I know you’re in there! I can see you!” She pounded on the barrier, the space around it distorting and shattering into thousands of fragments. Little blackholes formed in the sky with each of her punches, sucking in everything around them before blinking out of existence.
Karta whistled. “Whew. She really is the god of space, huh?” She walked outside the house, took out her phone, and snapped a few selfies of herself with Kosmos in the background. With her tail wagging, she walked back into the house with her phone held in her mouth. “I must be the most well-connected snack god in existence.”
Vremya’s face darkened, but he chose to ignore the stinky dog. “Kosmos, long time no see,” he said from his spot on the couch. Since the barrier was a part of himself, he didn’t need his eyes to see the visitor outside.
Kosmos shrieked like a banshee, her voice so high-pitched that invisible barriers formed around Karta’s and Vremya’s ears to prevent them from getting hurt. The god of space punched at the barrier with even greater gusto, massive blackholes forming in the sky behind her. “Fuse with me, Vremya! Why do you keep rejecting me!? Together, we can ascend into a being greater than gods! Everything shall be under our control! We can dominate. We can conquer! We can crush everything beneath our feet and laugh as they struggle to pick up the pieces! Why don’t you want power!? Embrace me, Vremya! Vremya!!! Let me in!!! Vremya!!!!!”
Karta blinked hard. “Holy shit,” she said, staring right at Vremya. “She’s insane.”
“I know.”
***
Paul sipped on a mug of beer, browsing through the system in his mind. Thirty years ago, he had woken up with an awful headache, and in his vision, there was a bright red text. Apparently, he had been adopted by the Interdimensional Mercenary System, and from that day forth, he had become an interdimensional mercenary. Whenever he completed a mission, he’d become stronger, learning the techniques of those in other dimensions. After completing a mission, he would always destress at the bar and browse through the list of missions, looking for one that offered a suitable reward. However, something different happened this time. All the missions in his mind disappeared, replaced by one block of text that was capitalized, bolded, italicized, and underlined all at the same time.
[NEW MISSION: HOLD THE GOD OF TIME’S SERVANT HOSTAGE!!!]
[CAPTURE THE PERSON THE GOD OF TIME HOLDS DEAR! FAILURE SHALL NOT BE TOLERATED!]
[REWARD: YOU GET TO LIVE! YOUR SOUL WILL BE SENTENCED TO AN ETERNITY OF TORTURE IF YOU FAIL!!!]
Paul stared hard at the text blocking his vision. He sighed. “Barkeep, get me a bottle of your strongest drink.” Most of the time the system was reasonable, but sometimes, Paul felt like he was being used as a tool for the gods. Last time this phenomenon had occurred, he was given a mission to kill the god of transportation’s servant. It was a tough fight, and no doubt, this new fight was going to be even tougher: capturing was much harder than killing. But what could he do? He didn’t want his soul to be tortured eternally.